BEAGLE BUM

(as I like to sing to the tune of Blurs "Beetle Bum")

Just been to the vets. All is well and only cost £49. He gave it a bit of a squeeze, administered an injection, gave me some tablets and cream for his ruby red bollocks. I called them "testicles" when I pointed out their shocking colour, the vet chose "scrotum" which made me feel like I used the wrong word.

But, the shame of it. I can see myself in The Sun already on the "Overweight Pets" page. Yes, the beagle is a porker. 10lb over weight.10lb?! thats bloody loads You would think that after all the day time tv I have watched I wouldn't be a feeder, but I am. Oh, the shame.

I went out after work last night and drank guinness in Kusch with Rob who fixes aeroplanes.Apparentley they use normal sized spanners not giant ones like I imagined they would do. I must have been dehydrated in my sleep cos I had one of those dehydration dreams.You know the ones.... I walked on to this platform where this man gave me and another competitor a big pint of ice cold coke. I drank mine first, then had another and therefore won the "who can drink a pint of coke the fastest competition" that I was competing in.