The blog is dead

Yes, although Jeremy Beagle is very much alive this blog is very much dead.
I do have a new one in the works if anyone out there is remotley interested......email me @ portersprince@live.ca and I'll give you the link (I havent actually got it going as yet, but shoud have it started by the end of the week.

Its been immense (as Annie would say)

WHENEVER YOU'RE FEELING LONELY....

....or you're gettin' in a stew,
Just lend your ear - come over here, and, man, here's what you do,

If you've got the blues,
then I've got some news,
join in the fun in your blue suede shoes.
With the holiday rock, the holiday rock,
the ho-de-ho-de-hi-de-hi holiday rock.


Sorry about that. Its my third night of sleeping with my mask on tonight. I totally love it. I feel just like Yvonne from Hi-De-Hi (although mine is not as posh as I remember hers being, its the one you get free if you fly with B.A.). Its just blue and not frilly.

Which reminds me of the greatest joke of all time...
"The last time I went on holiday, I flew with BA.
It was terrible. He kept shouting: ‘You crazy foo’. I ain’t gettin’ on no plane!’"


Anyway, I digress...

The blinds on my window in my bedroom let an amazing amount of daylight in which wakes me up every morning around 5, I may have mentioned this before.Its tres non bon. But now with my black out sleep mask thing going to sleep has improved a thousand fold. Infact, I'm in bed already and its only just 10 o'clock. It works a treat.

I never understood it as a kid when I saw Yvonne from Hi-De-Hi wear one....the sleep mask.To be honest, I hated her and Barry in it. I loved the child hating Punch and Judy man, cant remember his name - Mr Peacock or something, I of course liked Fred the best and Peggy. Loathed the Welsh one and didnt understand what that old jockey man was doing in it. Looking back, was Jeffery gay in it? You dont understand gay when you are a kid do you. Maybe they do now but I cant remember thinking Larry Grayson was gay when I watched The Generation Game, I just thought he was hilarious. Steven Carrington in Dynasty is when I found out what there was such a thing as gay. Anyway, Im off the point now...

Its time to don my eyemask and go to bed. Im so excited!!!

Then again, I might try and find some vintage Hi-De-Hi on youtube first...


Hi-de-hi-de-hi, ho-de-ho-de-ho, go go go do the holiday rock
Hi-de-hi-de-hi, ho-de-ho-de-ho, go go go do the holiday rock
Yeah......................

BEAGLE 0 GEESE 1

Oops, guess who left her bedroom door open when she went to work?

Seems Jeremy went for the geese one by one and piled them up in the front room. Luckily they were unharmed (either the beagle no longer destroys things or the geese really are hard as nails).

You will be happy to know that they are all safe except Ramone is a little dirtier than before.

I've just finished work at the bar, I got to close at 11 which is always a bonus cos even though I did bugger all yesterday Im feeling a little tired. I'm going to try and sleep with one of those blindfold eye masks things on tonight cos my blinds let the light in my room well early.

AND IF YOU COMPLAIN ONCE MORE, YOU'LL MEET AN ARMY OF GEESE

Its all coming together....

It's been many years since I first wanted an army of geese.

Let me introduce Raoul, Carlos, Sanchez, Mendoza, Jesus, Ramone and Gomez. My first ever goose army. Yes, dont worry I know they aren't real. I was there when found them in the Liquidation Store. Actually, if Im honest Jim made the discovery...I'd been sidelining 'Project Army Of Geese' for so long now that I had forgotten about it. We named them over lunch in Kabos with a Sharpie marker pen. Raoul is already proving himself to be a natural leader and outed Sanchez who now sports a rainbow tank top.


Raoul has a quiet word with Jesus (how do you do accents on this keypad?) telling him that he has taken his Usher listening a bit too far with his ridiculous pantyhose head gear. Raoul was imagining the army to be more of a West Side Story Sharks thang and less of a crack smoking R&B dirty ass ho thang.
Raoul applying some pressure to Gay Sanchez.

Iwould take these bad boys out on the road today but its raining, and although farmers everywhere are rejoicing it means I am staying indoors. So I bathed the beagle and am making a curry.

Its not all playing with hispanic gangsta geese you know.....

OW

Blimey, I just heard that Miss Johnson had a riding accident and broke both her ankles, bloody hell. Apparentley shes in hospital and gets operated on in the week. Poor lady, I cant even begin to imagine how much that must hurt.

And to think I was moaning about the bite on my arm (which to be fair has swollen up pretty bad), but still, two broken ankles? Friggin hell.

Its a long weekend here so I am enjoying the long weekend. Got a bit sunburnt on Saturday while walking the hound around the dam. Dont thin I'll go that way again, I have removed 4 ticks off him so far this week - and I think thats from going around there. I went to Clearwater Lake later on , I havent been there for 23 years, it was nothin glike I remembered it. I must have been a smaller 10 year old than I remember being cos it looked alot smaller than I remember.

I'm going to hang out with Jim while he does his farming stuff tomorrow. Seeding or something like that, I'm not sure. But I like driving around in tractors anyway so should be fun.

I cant stop thinking about poor Johnson...

I aim to return to normal blogging this week, I have just gone off it a bit at the minute, thats all.

HAIRBRAIDER

I'm doin my hair braider,
she makes it look just like spaghettay....

That R Kelly....he's still got it!!!

Ok, so I helped seed our vegetable garden today.
We did rows of radish, swiss chard, lettuce, peas, beans, onions, corn, zucchini, potatoes, dill, parsley, celery, cucumber, carrots, beetroot and a whole load of other stuff I cant remember. Curly even has a little tractor and a seeder so it was well easy. Im so excited , I cant wait until I can just go into the garden for my tea!!

Arthur Fowler eat your heart out.

ARTHUR FOWLER

I am, or at least I will be.

I know, Im rubbish at this these days.....

I had the weekend off so I went to Calgary with Jim. I'm getting used to the 5 hour drive thing now, it soon passes with my ipod supplying the tune-age We went for lunch in the mountains, did some shopping and I even found Fruli in a store so I bought out the whole of their stock. Get in!!!

Jims filthy giant red truck that drove us there

The weather has gone nice again, I bloody hope thats it for snow now until winter. Talking of winter I am now determined to spend new years eve in Sydney. I just need to find a reasonable flight. Im already not looking forward to winter here again.

Sorry, I'm blostipated again. I have just finished work at the Farm Centre (where everything confuses me), Jeremy is snoring on the settee and I think my Mum and brother are in the bar. Dad is still in the UK and hopefully bringing me back some yorkshire pudding tins and Tescos own mixed peppercorns (there is none finer). I'm having a jacket potato with brie and chillies for tea and that is all I know.

ITS UBER UNBELIEVABLE

Last Sunday I was enjoying the 25 degree warmth riding around in a t-shirt on a quad.
This Sunday there is bloody six inches of snow going on outside and its proper freezing out. Proper.

I thought that the snow had gone. Well, I hoped it had.

It has not.

CAN YOU SMELL CRAB PASTE?

Here she is......you complete set of bastards yer.

Mel B yesterday

Courtesy of Kay (shes like Reuters with booze) here is the lady we saw in Vegas. Have you ever seen this lady and Mel B together? I think not, therefore one can only conclude that this is indeed Mel B. We did the classic "I'll stand here and you pretend to take a picture of me but really take one of her" move which probably wouldn't have been as suspicious if I hadn't previously chased her through the labyrinth of fruit machines shouting "Crab Paste".

gambling Vegas lady

Ok, I guess I should return to blogging.

Vegas was cool, it was very much like I imagined it would be. I finally made it to the bodies exhibition. I'm glad I didn't try too hard to make it there that day in London when I was super hungover. I would have chundered there and then. There was a foetus there, a few months old and a man and his son were looking at it. The son asked his Dad how it came to be in the display. The Dad told him that the mother probably lost it naturally or had it aborted. The son then asked if the lady gets to keep it after the operation. I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Like a gallstone? I asked Erm no, they don't let you keep it. It was a good exhibit though. Mush better than the 4 storey M+M shop. I had no idea that people were so obsessed with M+M's. I love chocolate, don't get me wrong but I didn't understand the need for so much M+M stuff. Again, another bad place for a hangover.

In true Catherine tradition I took my camera but only actually took pictures one night so I don't really have any pictures. Well, I have 40 pictures of the fountains going off at the Belliagio and some of some lights. I am not very good at holiday snaps. In fact I accidentally ruined Lindsey's taping of the fountain show. In my defense I didn't know she was videoing it so she now has me remarking how I have 50 f*ucking pictures of a fountain at the end of the show. God damn my potty mouth.

It was lovely to see Kay and Linds again although it seemed like I had only seen them yesterday (It had been 4 months which I guess isn't really a long time anyway).

This weekend I went to my cousins wedding and ended up in a complete state, I'm beginning to get some of the photos through on facebook....seems I was busting some legendary moves.Not.

I didn't feel that rough on Sunday to begin with so I had an impromptu driving lesson, tried shooting cans with a rifle (at which I am skill-less) then fell asleep and threw up. At my age you would think I understood the effects strongbow and vodka have on me, but no.

Anyone who has been following the weather progress of things here might be pleased to know that I am no longer in a minus 40 degree hell. Yesterday it was 25 (as in sunny) and today was just a bit less. I'm so excited now the snow has gone (touch wood - although Calgary had 20cm on Friday!)

GET OUT OF MY HEAD

Argh, after stacking tins of 'flakes of turkey' I am still singing in my head that song 'drops of jupiter' by Train or whoever. Its annoying me now.

VIVA LAS VEGAS

Had a blast.....photos are here

Macclesfield Dates, by Author Clive Worth,

For the record. I am NOT one.

Anyone know this randy old fart?

OMG

I didnt know Neil Buchanan died.
I'm so out of the loop over here.

I'm going to get a whole load of clothes, plates, boxes and some other shit together and make a big giant picture viewable only from a tall building in his honour.

Or maybe not.

Blimey......Beadle, Buchanan who's next ? Tommy Boyd?? Gaz Top?? God forbid its not Cheggers. Please Lord, spare Cheggers for us.

HA HA HA HA RAY

Yes Annie, I did forget to mention it didn't I? It seems the police have uncovered some of his internet purchases (found here) which helped lead to his arrest

I am now 7 hours behind Macc. The clocks don't go forward or backwards here.
I just noticed.

KATHRYN WILLIAMS: no-one takes you home

Aww, I forgot about this song....

*DOWNTIME*

I'm quite uninspired at the minute hence the lack of postings. Instead of pouring out lots of drivel I'm just not going to say anything.
I'm off to Vegas on Thursday so hopefully will return with some more blogthusiasm.

Until then apologies.

SEW ITS QUILTING FOR ME

Well it finally happened today. It rained.
When I say rain it was more like snow that melted and just because its been so long since I've been out in it I am calling it rain.
It was windy aswell, really windy. When I cycled home from work it was wet, windy and grey out. It almost made me a little homesick.

Ok, I am joking with the homesick thing but it was a lot like home weather wise today. To get away from the bleakness I treated myself to a go on the sunbed. You wouldnt believe the price...$84 for 500 minutes!!! So thats £42 for 500 minutes, what was I paying before? I think it was £40 for 100 minutes, something like that. Blimey. I'm off to Vegas in a week and a half so I thought I best get my skin adjusted to sun as its been suffering minus degrees for a longtime now.

I havent really wrote much cos I havent really done much, just work and dog walking. We walked up to the farm yesterday to get Jeremy a bone. H came back with a cows tail which was quite repulsive, hes eaten it all now though. We walked past the gut pile, I will walk back up there and take some pictures I promise...its minging. There are even 2 dead coyotes there and some cows stomaches that look like they are about to explode. It will well put you off your dinner I can tell you!

Thats about it, I have decided that quilting is the way forward. I want to learn how to do quilts. So this is my new mission, lets see if by this time next year I have done anything about it....

I KNEW I SPOKE TOO SOON

Its snowing out again isn't it!?
Bah!

I have gone from thinking I couldn't handle not having a mobile phone to not having one for about 120 days, and I am fine!
There is life free from the ties of the mobile!

DEMONS OUT

Well, its the weekend. I have just finished work and have pigged out on pistachio jello.Now I cannot move.
I was reading the National Examiner during my break today. There is this stupid psychic man in it called Tony Legget, he's holding a "Heal-Athon" tomorrow where he will...get this...pray for you for free if you fill in a slip and mail it to him. This will all go down at 2pm my time (3pm Eastern Time,1pm Mountain Time and Noon Pacific Time). Ha ha ha, here is his prayer...

My life is filled with an abundance of blessings. Divine healing encompasses and penetrates my entire being making me healthy and whole and manifests in all who ask. The universe is filled with love, peace and joy creating a world of understanding and harmony.

What a load of rubbish. I did tell my Dad about this when I first read it last week. I'm going to visit him in hospital tomorrow (he's not been feeling very well) I'll mention it to him then....see if he fancies getting involved in Tom Leggets Heal-Athon!!! It might even be Dr Tom Legget, I cant remember.

I've gone off booze this past week, so I think I'm just going to have a quiet one and stay in tonight. Although the tv better get better than stupid Mr Big on Law & Order. Bring back Pile, he's my favourite. (Also for the record I HATE Horratio and his stupid Miami team....gimme CSI:NY and Lieutenant Dan anyday.)

What is it with me? As soon as I write that I have gone off booze I can SMELL BOTTLECAPS. I can, I really can. Oh, I do love the bottlecaps.

In other news....Crowther, if you are reading this then can you email me or something? I haven't heard from you for time. Thank you.

LAW & ORDER

I much prefer it with Private Pyle than I do the ones with Mr Big and Cybils ginger daughter team.

Just thought I'd set that record straight.

I AM STOKEY HEAR ME ROAR

I finally got around to it. It took me 7 attempts until the first one bore any resemblance to one but here we go....

I finally make me some oatcakes.
They look like oatcakes and now they are cold they feel like oatcakes, only I fear they may be a little salty. Not as salty as a Otis Spunkmeyer cookie, I'll try them properly tomorrow for dinner. By properly I of course mean with tomatoes, onion and a little cheese.

I am very excited. I also have some banana muffins in the oven...they can only be good.

WEATHER MATHS

I have not seen rain for over 109 days.
How good is that!

I HOPE I'M NOT GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF

...but yeah, the snow is melting. This got me getting excited about summer again and about something else. Every single April/May I always got hayfever, annoying hayfever you know the tree pollen induced one. I'm banking on that not being a problem this year as there are no trees. Well, I saw one today whilst out walking the dog.

No, of course there are trees, but not many and not like the ones at home so fingers crossed I'll be laying off the Piriton this year. Get In.

MY MUM AND MARK DAVID CHAPMAN

I watching Forrest Gump a few months ago and you know the bit when they make it look like Forrest is on the tv show with John Lennon? Well my Mum came out with "He's a prick" I ask "who? Forrest?" She says "No, John Lennon". I just remembered that gem....she also doesn't like Jay-Z.

ANALYSE THIS

The other night I dreamt that I was awake. I really was awake. So I got some paper and wrote a note to prove that I was awake and not dreaming it. My writing looked too good so I tried to make it look worse so it would look like I thought I was asleep when I was really awake.I started with a brown berol felt pen which ran out so I had to use the only other one to hand which was a yellow one, much harder to read on the white paper (that was stapled together into make shift pads). This went on for pages and pages. Anything I wanted to see I could make appear before my eyes, then I was upstairs in Shelleys shoe shop in Manchester. That's when I realised that I wasn't awake at all.

Bloody confusing, it still came as a surprise though to awake in the morning and not find any of the scrawlings I did whilst awake/asleep. I really was convinced I was awake. Now I'm beginning to doubt my one and only "(near) out of body experience" when I thought I successfully astrally projected myself. I'm not happy about that because I definitely thought that was real.

Back in the real world I'm lying in bed listening to The Brotherhood Of Man, I'm off to Swift today for Alanna's shower and stagette party tonight. Already I'm trying to think what I should drink today/tonight. After spending my life being spoilt in English Pubs I never know what avenue to go down here in Canadian Bars, I definitely have gone off lager. I drink too fast for spirits/wine. Cider is few and far between and Bitter is....well...unheard of. I could just do a session on the Deuchars, that's what I'm missing. Oh, decisions decisions.....

I think I'll start on ceasers. Nice.

A LITTLE KNOWN BUT TRUE FACT

My brother used to have a Care Bear.

He is in denial of this fact but I remember it.
Its true....it was Wish Bear.

WHEEL. OF. FORTUNE.

I was watching
*shouts*
WHEEL
*shouts*
OF
*shouts*
FORTUNE

*applause*

Anyway, the clue for the prize puzzle was 'Before/After'

the letters out were

_RT_F_C__L
H_P H_P
___R_Y

And the person got it. Well when I say the person got it I mean that the host said it was right.
I dont understand it myself.....


Oh, the answer???

Artificial Hip Hip Horay

Of course! What else would it be????

Teatime tv is bobbins here. Give me Hollyoaks anyday of the week

A,B,C TO ZINC

I cant believe how much I am aching when I get up in the morning lately. Im noy liking it. I was lying there this morning trying to figure out what it might be or what might make it better when I remembered what that medium psychic bird told me back in May. She did tell me to take vitamins for a while cos I was going to get run down. I remember she said something about ten months, cant remember if she said I needed to take them for ten months or if in ten months it would get worse...either way its ten months and Im knackered. I of course never took her advice and never took any vitamins but I went down to the Co-Op today and bought me the biggest jar of multi vitamins I could find. She was right about me moving to Canada so I'll listen to her on the health front. I dont eat right anyway.

Then, decided to go for a walk with the hound. There is a big red barn across some fields here so we walked to that and back. Bloody thing was miles away wasnt it, took us three and a half hours. Although its still cold out (-17 at the minute temperature watchers!) the sun was shining,the sky was blue and there wasn't a cloud in sight....cosequentley I have sunburnt my face with giant panda eyes from my sunglasses.

Ok, they are my only moans. Glad I got them out of the way.

I made some carrot cakes today, they are bloody lovely.

That is all, goodnight.

HOW TO TALK CANADIAN

Po-tay-to
Po-tar-to
Toe-may-to
Toe-mar-to

Forget all that, check out this one
In Canada its called "poutine"
In England its called "chips, cheese and gravy"

We really could be more inventive with our names dont you think?
Poutine indeed!

AHHH..... MEMORY LANE

I've just been on YouTube for time looking for a NMA song to post but I really cant pick a favourite. They all remind me of so many different things. I like them all.

Did I ever tell you about my most disastorous NMA occasion? It just goes to prove my bad luck....

It was 1994 I think and I came home from Brighton to stay with Johnson for the weekend when she lived in ...erm, wherever the velodrome is in Manchester - I cant remember. Anyway, I was kind of seeing this punk called Broady and there was a Criminal Justice Bill Rally thing in Rusholme so me and Claire got the bus and went. We had no money and I seem to remember we figured that if we pretended to be drunk we would eventually feel it, thus saving money. this went on for about 5 minutes then we cribbed some cherry wine off some goths. Then we were sat in the sun on Platt Fields, Broady was there and bought us more booze then I was busting for the toilet.It was miles away but I decided to go. After I queued up and finally got to pee I heard Justin Sullivan from NMA playing in the distance. Now he wasnt due to play but I was mid flow. I was so excited, after I finished and washed my hands I ran back to the stage. It was over, he had gone, he played just turned up unannounced pplayed one song and then left. To this day I have lied and said I saw it but I didn't, I just peed along to Vengence. The day was making so much sense until then, it got a lot more wrong...but lets not get into that.

Eleven Years by NMA always reminds me of Johnson, that and Whirlwind (from when we used to stay in Bosley), Adrenelin reminds me of living in Brighton, SmallTown England reminds me of drinking in the Millstone on a Friday night back in the day,...god, I could go on all day.

When I did the Europe tour thing we used to sit in a van driving from venue to venue, (and I remember hitching alot) Chumbawumba were supporting most of it and if we turned up early enough for their sound check Danbert would give us passes for the night. So we did that, drank wine from tetra paks and pan handled until they played. It feels like a million years ago now. I had paraclogs, dredlocks, piercings and everything. It was bad. I guess I've grown up now.

I LOVE THE WORLD

OMG. I dont know if I have mentioned it ever but I love New Model Army. Well, admittedly not like I used to back in the day but like riding a bike it never leaves you.
Anyway, I remember hearing that they are playing in Canada on 7th April in Edmonton (which is a 6 hours drive away and deemed reletively close) - I thought nothing of it at the time. But I have just figured out that I am going to Vegas in April, flying from Edmonton and was thinking about coming back on 8th. Think I will have to rethink my date there. Then I can add Edmonton, Canada to my list of "places where I have seen New Model Army" which so far stands at (I know this sounds sad....)
Manchester
Leeds
Bradford
somewhere near Luton beginning with H
London
Rotterdam
Amsterdam
Dusseldorf
Hamberg
Berlin
Wittlich
Vienna

2 Places in Switzerland somewhere
Budapest
Luxemboug

After the bar closed I decided to take an inpromptu tour of the ice roads and the whole road building thing...Alvin kindly drove me someplace and let me motivationally speak to the workers via CB (which was basically me just saying "harder, faster, more" which was greated by lots of "fuck off Catherine") but I suppose it was about 4am and some drunk lady gabbling to you would not be good.
I seem to remember singing lots of Meatloaf and REO Speedwagon on the way home. Its all good

IS IT TRUE?

If you go in to any McDonalds in the world and hum "der-der-der-der-der" (in tune with the advert) then the staff members have to sing "I'm lovin it" back to you or they get sacked?

INTERESTING

I added Langley resident John Squire as a friend on facebook (I know its the real one cos hes mates with someone I know) he accepted. A few days later I "became a fan" of Ian Brown on facebook and John Squire is now no longer my friend. Make of that what you will.

SUNDAY CONSTITUTIONAL

Although by UK standards it is still cold outside (a mind numbing -7oC) by recent Cabri standards its a beautiful day (a balmy -7oC). The sun was shining and the Curling had finished on the telly so I went for a walk with the hound and my Mum. For a change I remembered my camera.......

The meetings of the local Beatles Fan Club are held here every third Tuesday of the month
Finally it looks as if the snow is melting. I am soooooo excited for spring and summer......

Mum, Jeremy, Bones, Thugs n' Harmony.....now tell me whatcha gonna do when judgement comes for you???

It just puts you in a good mood doesn't it? No rainclouds here

Ok, I got a bit carried away with my E.L.O shots

Heading back into town
Local wildlife
The mighty Cabri Hotel

The Hall (where I spent NYE)
Front of The Hotel
School Bus

The Silver Cafe...the ONLY place for Chinese Foo

Where I get to wear fancy high waisted blue trousers
Its melting finally....proper skiddy out though
Check out the mural

The Town Hall, still with Santa on top

YOU LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERYDAY

Now did you know that?

Keeping frozen food in a freezer? Whatever next?

And whats all this crazy talk about todays refrigerator/freezer models coming with the freezer on the top or the bottom of the appliance?

I suppose they'll be telling us that people travel around the country in a box with windows on four wheels called cars.

Poppycock

ITS INDIE ROCK AND ROLL FOR ME

I got in from the bar about 4am and tried to video myself miming to The Killers "Glamorous Indie Rock and Roll". I did this twice and neither actually worked (note to self, learn how to use your camera). I added a tash to make it look more real. now it will not come off. Well, it has come off but Im left with 5 o'clock shadow.

So I just sang along and took normal pictures put them all on face book and now I look a right Charlie.

Oh well, its all good.

Is it just me or we having alot of moon eclipses at the minute? I've seen 3 in the last few years and yet they still bang on about how rare they are. Maybe Im getting old.

BRING ON THE SUMMER

The long and not winding road from Saskatoon.

You can buy No7 Preserve,Protect,Embalm & Perfect Serum (or whatever that stuff is called) for £5 cheaper here than you can in the UK.

Ok, that is one of the many things I learnt this weekend. I have found the Canadian version of TK Maxx called Winners (although I think they might even have TK Maxx here - I just havent seen it yet.)

Saskatoon was ace, I forgot how I missed the city. We went to a pub called "The Yard And Flagon" (or was it flail?) and even went for a curry at the Taj Mahal. Nice.

I still have yet to find a Canadian Primark although I have heard good things about a shop called Giant Tiger....Im hoping that they are the same.

Driving to Saskatoon was a bit scarey. The road disappeared under blown snow for a while and it really hurts your eyes cos its just so bright out. Thankfully I had my shades so I maynot get as many wrinkles around my eyes as I might ought to have.Coming back was easier. The sun was out and was quite warm through the window, infact over the weekend it even got up to zero degrees which is nice let me tell you. I've been daydreaming about summer all day today, I cant wait.

WRONG

There is a funeral directors in Saskatoon called "Mourning Glory".

I kid you not.

WHO IS DAVID KOPP??

I have just discovered that Ethan from jPod is not actually that little hobbit Elijah Wood. They are infact different people. I'm still not properley convinced. They look the same to me.

Beagle Is Numero 'Uno' at Westminster

So, seems Beagles are the new black. Jeremy of course would wipe the floor with him

HOW TO CLEAN YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN FROM THE INSIDE

click here

BRING ON THE SHOPS

I'm so excited. I'm going to Saskatoon for a few days on Saturday and you know what that means???...

Yes, I can go shopping. So, so excited. I cant tell you how I have missed it. I'm not even going for for anything in particular, just to walk around shops that arent the Co-Op, Safeway or Walmart will be enough of a treat. Imagine if I found a Canadian Primark!! Ok, I'll calm down.

Plus, Saskatoon has Saskatchewans only Lush shop, and OMG I *heart* Lush.

And, if that wasnt enough I hear they have Indian Restaurants too. I cant tell you how much I am looking forward to feasting on Poppadoms and drinking a pint. None of this bottled malarky.

I am well aware that something will no doubt crop up between now and Saturday which will alter my plans but as far as things go that is my plan. Its been nearly three months of country living, which, dont get me wrong, I am enjoying but I do miss big towns and cities. Saskatoon sounds like it is right up my street. I'm still looking for somewhere to settle after all....

WHAT A SWEET DISCOVERY

It was worth walking to work this morning at 7.50am into winds that made the -20oC it was feel more like -40oC just to find this little gem waiting for me.

Ummmm, cookie anyone???

Right, must dash...I have a batch of Spunkmeyers in the oven

BUGGER

Ok, Im just about fed up of continually waking up at 4 in the morning. I've been awake for two hours now and cant go back to sleep.

WATCH OUT, BEADLES ABOUT

Except he isn't.

Sorry just caught myself singing it...actually I was singing "wants out, beagle wants out" which he indeed does but its minus a million and windy outside so the chances of me walking him are zero to nil. Sorry Jeremy, its the long lead for you boy.

YARNOLD IS RIGHT AGAIN

I love Vampire Weekend

BLAH BLAH BLAH

I dont know about everybody else but if Im having a gay moment and add some crappy application on Facebook where I have to invite 20 friends I just send it to the first 20 people.
I'm glad my name doesnt begin with an A, cos then I'd have even more crap to ignore.

Ok, that was just a thought.
Its Sunday, my brother is hungover and Im still surprisingly well.
Tis Yarnolds birthday tomorrow....if you're readiing this Yarnold then let it be known that I did try to ring you (a day early I know but chances are with work/the time difference I will not be able to catch you tomorrow). I'm still working on your birthday present.....its coming.

I see Camden Market burnt down Cor Blimey Guvnor. Last time I was there was with the Quinn I think, the day he decided to come to Canada with us on holiday or did we go there for Kays birthday? I know we went there the weekend of the Violent Femmes, whe we drank all that Vanilla Vodka served by the man who was in the Bill twice....yes hang on, we did go that time we stayed in Primrose Hill, they wouldnt make us Paralysers in the Old Lock so we did one and I told the Bouncers it was shit in there! God, Im a knobhead. What was my point? I forget now...

DER DER DERDER DER DERRRRRRRRRRR

Fanfare please.......

I've just noticed that this is my 700th post.

WOP STATUS

Bleurrgh, Im feeling the two bottles of wine from last night now, let me tell you.
Im not quite in a WOP yet but I think its round the corner, Im thinking I might try to sidestep it by just lying in bed and watching old Bo Selecta, Im not working til 6, its -27 outside,blowing a gale and I have precious little else to do. If I had my time travelling machine I'd go back to the Drum and Monkey during the Lavn days and have the best Sunday Lunch I've ever had but I dont, so I cant.

HIGH FIVE TO THE MACC EXPRESS SOUNDING LIKE VIZ THIS WEEK

Ah, www.maccexpress-express.co.uk where would us over seas folk be without you? Im particularly loving the srticle about Nick Winterton this week. I love the "its one rule for them another for us" quotes. There are lots in this weeks paper from the coffee drinkers of Macclesfield. A good time to remember some classic Viz if ever I heard one....


Dame Helen Mirren has won all these Baftas, Golden Globes and Oscars for playing the Queen, and she's only done it once. Meanwhile, Queen lookalike Jeanette Charles has been doing it for years, and she hasn't got so much as a pat on the back. Once again, it's one rule for Dames, and another rule for bank manager's wives who bear a passing resemblance to the reigning monarch.
-Ann Barton, Grimsby

Everywhere I go I see signs saying 'Post no bills', yet every day in the post I receive bills from the the gas board, electricity board and telephone company. It's just another example of one rule for multinational utilities and another for the rest of us.
-Edna P Gallows, Edgeware

How come St. George got beatified for killing the rarest creature ever with a massive sword, while I get absolutely fucked by the RSPCA for slaying common frogs with a penknife? As usual, it's one law for knights in armour and another for the rest of us.
-John Taters, Gloucester

HOW come rap artist Dr. Dre can use the 'N' word on his multi-million selling albums and win a MOBO award, yet when I used it at my son's football match I was asked to leave the park? Once again, it's one law for the rich and another for the poor.
-Alan Hedgejumper, Glasgow


A Channel 4 film crew were recently arrested and held in custody for squirting a water pistol into Tom Cruise's face. However, I saw the Chuckle Brothers' 'Pirates of the Rother Valley' show at the Tyne Theatre last week, and I was squirted several times with a Supa Soaker, as was the rest of the audience. When I dialled 999, the police simply didn't want to know. Once again, it's one of those letters that end with 'it's one rule for one and one rule for another'.
-Chester Bluestar,Newcastle

NO CAKES

Oatcakes are on hold, I forgot it was Pancake Tuesday and making anyother kind of cake seemed wrong. So, if my christain math is correct does that mean we are now in lent for fourty days or until easter or something? God only knows (ha, suppose he does!) I might try that giving up chocolate thing again then, not because I'm a god botherer but because I have put on about 16 pounds in the 10 weeks I've been here. So Im being selfish really whilst trying to be selfless. Hang on, I'm getting blog post deja vu....do I say this every year?.............

*goes to look up earlier blog lent/chocolate posts*

..........yep. Oh well, I am nothing if but consistant.

Im so excited, I'm going to Saskatoon for my first time next week. They have the only Lush store in Saskatchewan.
I'm going to buy BIG, BIG, BIG I tells ya.

DOES THIS SOUND RIGHT?

• 3.5 ounces course oatmeal,


• 3.5 ounces medium oatmeal,


• 5 ounces self raising flour


• 2 tea spoons of salt(or more depending on your taste)


• add water until it is like tooth paste




• leave for at least 6hrs or overnight to soak


• then add 2 heaped tea spoons of baking soda to water and add to mixture until its like pancake mix


• then put a small amount of lard or butter in fry pan and cook them until golden brown(both sides of course).


• Let them cool and wrap in tea towel and place in the fridge,


• either fry them in in a fry pan with butter or toast under grill.

I have a right hankering for oatcakes. Breakfast just isnt the same wthout them

Wish me luck

Where does the time go? Cant believe its Sunday night already.
Well finally all of the rest of my stuff came today so I have clothes to choose from. I havent dared try any of them on yet...I have a feeling it will not be good news.

I have been working at the bar everynight and consequentley drinking there after I had finished. Tonight Im going to have an early night though and stay clear of the ole bottlecaps.

So between the Co-Op and the hotel I haven't done much else, I have little to report. Except I didnt realise how just about all my clothes are not suitable for this -20 malarchy, they are all pretty summery. Me and Jen are going winter clothes shopping in the spring sales later on so next year at least I will be geared up.

Well Im bored now, they are watching the superbowl on tv so I'll have to find another way to entertain myself.

R.I.P. THE MIGHTY BEADLE

How sad, Katy just told me. The man who I named my dog after, legendary 80's prankster Jeremy Beadle MBE has died aged 59. Jim kicked him out of the FlowerPot one night when the circus was in town, he used the importal words "Do you know who I am? No longer must we watch out...Beadles not about. I'd love to write more but Im late for work.........

I'm going to play pranks on as many people today as possible in his memory

CHECK IT OUT

BRRRR

Well, I got my blizzard!

I walked to work this morning at 8am and had to negotiate snow drifts that came way past my knees. I took a "short cut" through the playground which was hilarious as the snow came right up to my bottom. Its brilliantly freezing out, -25 but the wind is vicious, feels more like -40.

Tomorrow is set to be colder, -34. Bring it on!! Its all still a novelty for me so I'm enjoying it....lets see how long that bit of mentalness lasts

SUNDAY ALL OVER THE WORLD

That was a bit confusing, I nodded off on the settee and woke up to Eastenders ominibus on the tv, OLD Eastenders. Sharon and Dennis are planning their wedding, Den is "missing", Alfie cant decide between Little Mo and Kat, I'm confused and feel like its years ago.

Nice to have the omibus though, its just depressing knowing what I have to sit through before its caught up to where I am. Pauline, Dennis, Johnny, Nana Moon have all yet to die, Sonia has yet to be a lesbian and then change back again, Peggy bloody Mitchell even has to go back to the Queen Vic for frigs sake....I dont think I can do it all again. Its even further behind than Corrie.

AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

HA HA HA HA

Man City balloons!

SOMEBODY MUST KNOW.....

Has anybody seen that awful film, it might have even been a tv movie. It was about the impending end of the world and it was like you were watching a news broadcast of it really happening. It was REALLY REALLY shit, the title was something really obvious. Its annoying me because I cant remember what it was called. Im sure it was a tv movie. It had the news reader talking to the "world" and counting down the minutes till the end, someone must please get it from my rubbish description.Please....

Ok, what else? I went to Abbey last night to watch Jacy, Curly,Danelle and some others curl. Then we went to Abbey bar where some drunken lady put me in a bad mood by highlighting my pathetic-ness cos Im living at my parents house at the minute. There is an element of truth in it so I went on a downer and wanted to go home. Troy picked us all up then another girl drove us home from his house, the police stopped us on some random check but no problems this time! Ended up at the bar about 2am, drank a fistful of bottlecaps and cider so I cheered up. Then we all carried on drinking at Jacys where me and Lindsay argued about the law and asking under 18's for id. (I of course was correct, Lindsay of course was a tool!) Got in at 6am.

Then it was the ice fishing derby today, my Mum entered and caught nothing. I got a bit cold and bored so went home for a few hours in the middle. I returned drank ceasers and somehow (I think some kids accidentally did it) my camera got wet so I went all panicy and insisted on being driven home so I could dry it out. Dont worry Brad, it still works!!! I didnt turn it on until I was sure it was dry (I have learnt that the hard way before after losing many mobile phones down the toilet!)

In other news did you know there is a place in Newfoundland called Dildo? Donna told me that on Friday.....excellent!!

I think Lindsay is not feeling too well today, Im very tempted to make him watch 2 girls 1 cup so I can see him spew, but I'm too nice to do that!

UNINTERESTING FACT

Since emigrating my feet have began to smell more.

What is all that about??

I will leave you that to ponder over whilst I take my self to the shower....I was working in the bar again tonight, I really like it there. Tonight was good fun, I managed to drink cider and Jager as well. Its my first day working in the co-op tomorrow....then its deal or no deal in the bar (my dad is a finalist) then I think we are going to Abbey to watch Cindy and Jacy curl. Im getting curling lessons soon.......

Message ends...

Goodnight.

SEPERATED AT BIRTH

Clint Boon and Toni Tennille.

Spookily they both played keyboard

I couldnt post this under my last Tennille comment, but I think you can see where I'm coming from! (for Tennille see further down)

FOR THE RECORD

A little something to clear up after White Bear....

Its Physalis Peruvian...commonly known as a Cape Gooseberry.

I knew it wasnt a kumquat and instead was something that sounds like syphilis.

FERRERO ROCHER ANYONE?

The cat that Mum brought over - Duke is a proper scaredy cat.
He wont go outside and spends most of the day hiding until the middle of the night of course when he becomes all super lively and makes as much noise as possible just to wake everyone up.

Now, this is easy to live with except for one thing. Due to his refusal to go outside (and its -20 out so I cant say I blame him) he has a litter tray. Again, this is easy to live with as its not my cat so I don't have to empty it......can you guess though who has taken to emptying it???

That's right, Jeremy has added cat shit eating to his repertoire of shit eating. Already he is a fan of sheep shit and horse shit but cat shit covered in kitty litter?? Ummm, crunchy. His mouth smells enough as it is without the whiff of tuna and shit that its giving out at the minute.

It makes his turds look a bit more interesting though , kind of speckley. Maybe the litter has exfoliating qualities - cleanest beagle colon in town I tells you!


Apologies, yet again another post of me talking about dogshit.

I think I need a hobby!

Blimey, Heath Ledger ey???
I always thought he looked a bit like Paul Quinn.

Shame. R.I.P.

I@M DEDICATING YOU TUBE SONGS TO PEOPLE AGAIN....

For Kay and Linds and for those of you about to rock....

KIA ORA AD

Wreckless Eric-Whole Wide World

U-U-ULTRA ECCENTRIC SUPER CULT POP PUNK BAND - SHONEN KNIFE

I came across these when I was packing, they must be from '91. Theres a signed photo of them taken when they supported Nirvana at the Academy, an origami frog , a letter and the postcard that was waiting for me when I returned from seeing them in Reading that year. I did have some signed albums as well but they have been lost, borrowed or given away since then.





I'm pretty sure I saw them again at the Manchester University with the BMX Bandits supporting, but I'm not sure..oh happy days! I just remember that we were poor and so had to make the last train home so missed the end and never got to meet them afterwards.