Thankyou everyone for your comments but it is time for me to move on.
Its time to put the Daily Beagle to bed. Incidentally Jeremy will be doing it for the kids, so to speak, you can keep up with him being pimped for charity at Ninas Blog.
Don't worry if you cant get hold of me on my mobile, I haven't done one yet but I'm changing my number cos of one thing and another. I'm still on email at Portersprince@aol.com and I will be back some time to invite you all to my leaving party.
Cat x
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Sunday, August 27, 2006
I AM PISSED
FACT. ....My head is up my arse.
Oh, and I have drank alot of rum.
Polly, thankyou.
Helena, thankyou. You are an amazing person.
As for further more blogging, I dont think I will bother.
By June I will be out of here and I cant wait, i may blog again then but as far as now is concerned I dont see the point.
Im unhappy, I dont think I'm doing any good by sharing that with you.
Its been great x
Oh, and I have drank alot of rum.
Polly, thankyou.
Helena, thankyou. You are an amazing person.
As for further more blogging, I dont think I will bother.
By June I will be out of here and I cant wait, i may blog again then but as far as now is concerned I dont see the point.
Im unhappy, I dont think I'm doing any good by sharing that with you.
Its been great x
Saturday, August 26, 2006
I FEEL SO UTTERLY DISGUSTING
The more I find out the more I hate myself for falling for it. I proper loved this man.
Now I find out he is nothing what I thought he was.
Told me he was at a funeral in Ireland with his Dad at Christmas.
He spent Christmas with his wife and kids.
Gave her an excuse and spent New Year with his other girlfriend and her kids. Then turns up for me on my birthday on 3rd Jan. I could go on but its too much of a head fuck.Ouch.
Man,he broke my heart. I am such a fool.
Now I find out he is nothing what I thought he was.
Told me he was at a funeral in Ireland with his Dad at Christmas.
He spent Christmas with his wife and kids.
Gave her an excuse and spent New Year with his other girlfriend and her kids. Then turns up for me on my birthday on 3rd Jan. I could go on but its too much of a head fuck.Ouch.
Man,he broke my heart. I am such a fool.
Friday, August 25, 2006
I WILL PROBABLY DELETE THIS BY THE END OF THE DAY
I am struggling with how to deal with something.
I am beginning (along with many other people) to see blogs as not a good thing. Im using it as therapy today because I dont know how else to adjust to something I now know.
In September I started to take a fancy to a man that comes in the pub I run. Within a few weeks and some matchmaking done he rang me up, we met up and went on a few dates.
The second time I met him he told me had children but he didn't live with them, had been having lots of shit with his ex but everyone has a past and I thought he seemed fine.
In October I took a break from work, took my dogs to Wildboarclough in a cottage for 2 weeks. He came over to stay, we were getting on fine although didnt stay longer cos he was working all over the place. (He has his own buisness and has to go where the work is). I work quite alot too, Im busy all weekends, working anti-social hours but I didnt mind taking things slow because I wasnt in a hurry.
Over the next few months I saw him when I could. In January he gave up his flat in Macclesfield and moved back down south as he was working there for the forseeable. He came up for my birthday, I saw him more over January,(cos 2006 was going to be our year apparently) by February he was telling me he loved me, I went to down to see him where he was working. It wasnt ideal but I thought he was perfect for me. This carried on until May.
In May he began making more of an effort, came up for the weekend when he could, we spoke on the phone all the time. Took me out for a chinese and started to talk strange, saying if I hear someone saying things about him then not to believe it. He had an ex girlfriend who was a psycho and had gone down to London to his ex wifes house and started kicking off. I asked when they had split up and he said it was ages ago, she was just nuts apparently.(the ex girlfriend, not his ex wife).
He was living with his sister in London. I went down there and met her (cos I wasnt totally convinced, something wasnt right, but seeing it was how he said it was I felt reassured). I told him I was going to Canada in August with my Mum. Asked if he fancied coming to and he was well up for it. He sent me his money and I bought the tickets, it was all booked.
On holiday things were great. We had the best time, my family loved him and he loved them. All was amazing. He had always talked of how he wanted us to have children, took it as read we were getting married. Said how excited he was about our future, he was ging to make more of an effort to spend more time here, expected his work would shift up here for at least a year so he'd live here.
As you all know, I was dumped 2 days after we got back by text message. I was gutted. He gave no explanation and wouldn't answer my calls.
A week after I wrote the most amazing letter I have ever written. I sent it to him with my copy of the holiday photos off my camera, I told him he could email me the ones off his camera and gave him my email address. Now he doesn't really do computers but his nephew that he lives with does so I figured he'd help him. I was getting my head around the break up, if the letter didnt make him see differently then obviously he wasnt the man for me.
I heard nothing from him. Fair enough I thought, I still didnt get how someone could change their mind so drastically though.
Thursday night I get an email. Its from 'his wife'. Telling me how They had 2 kids and had been married for 23 years. Now I knew he had 2 kids, he told me all about them and had shown me pictures. He had told me that he got married at 19 (which was indeed 23 years ago) So I wasnt shocked. I didnt really believe it. After all, I had met his sister, I had been to where he lives. He had been away with me for 2 weeks, obviously she was a nutter. I rang him asking if he knew anything about it. He said no, but he hadn't got the photos I sent him nor the letter. Assumed that for some reason his daughter had taken it and it was her emailing me. I said I wasnt going to respond- I didnt want to get involved.
However I got curious. We are both on aol and I saw she was online so I messaged her.
Seems they only split up in May. After the girl he was seeing up here turned up on their doorstep in London,she threw him out. He had started seeing her the April before I met him and was seeing her while he was seeing me whilst also seeing his wife. I will put £1,000,000 that there are more of us he had on the go. He told his wife he was going to Ireland for 2 weeks to stay with relatives. She didnt know about me until she got the envelope I sent him with pictures of us in Canada with a long letter of me telling how much I loved him.
His wife was lovely. I appologised. He told me they had split up about 10 years ago. She said she has no bad feelings towards me - just him and his lies. I dont want to post this because I dont want his kids to find out how much of a shit their father is but I have to get it out of me somehow. So, I will delete it soon. But if anybody out there ever happens to come across a lovely, honest,caring genuine man who is too good to be true BE VERY CAUTIOUS.
Unfortunatley he is not what he seems.
I am beginning (along with many other people) to see blogs as not a good thing. Im using it as therapy today because I dont know how else to adjust to something I now know.
In September I started to take a fancy to a man that comes in the pub I run. Within a few weeks and some matchmaking done he rang me up, we met up and went on a few dates.
The second time I met him he told me had children but he didn't live with them, had been having lots of shit with his ex but everyone has a past and I thought he seemed fine.
In October I took a break from work, took my dogs to Wildboarclough in a cottage for 2 weeks. He came over to stay, we were getting on fine although didnt stay longer cos he was working all over the place. (He has his own buisness and has to go where the work is). I work quite alot too, Im busy all weekends, working anti-social hours but I didnt mind taking things slow because I wasnt in a hurry.
Over the next few months I saw him when I could. In January he gave up his flat in Macclesfield and moved back down south as he was working there for the forseeable. He came up for my birthday, I saw him more over January,(cos 2006 was going to be our year apparently) by February he was telling me he loved me, I went to down to see him where he was working. It wasnt ideal but I thought he was perfect for me. This carried on until May.
In May he began making more of an effort, came up for the weekend when he could, we spoke on the phone all the time. Took me out for a chinese and started to talk strange, saying if I hear someone saying things about him then not to believe it. He had an ex girlfriend who was a psycho and had gone down to London to his ex wifes house and started kicking off. I asked when they had split up and he said it was ages ago, she was just nuts apparently.(the ex girlfriend, not his ex wife).
He was living with his sister in London. I went down there and met her (cos I wasnt totally convinced, something wasnt right, but seeing it was how he said it was I felt reassured). I told him I was going to Canada in August with my Mum. Asked if he fancied coming to and he was well up for it. He sent me his money and I bought the tickets, it was all booked.
On holiday things were great. We had the best time, my family loved him and he loved them. All was amazing. He had always talked of how he wanted us to have children, took it as read we were getting married. Said how excited he was about our future, he was ging to make more of an effort to spend more time here, expected his work would shift up here for at least a year so he'd live here.
As you all know, I was dumped 2 days after we got back by text message. I was gutted. He gave no explanation and wouldn't answer my calls.
A week after I wrote the most amazing letter I have ever written. I sent it to him with my copy of the holiday photos off my camera, I told him he could email me the ones off his camera and gave him my email address. Now he doesn't really do computers but his nephew that he lives with does so I figured he'd help him. I was getting my head around the break up, if the letter didnt make him see differently then obviously he wasnt the man for me.
I heard nothing from him. Fair enough I thought, I still didnt get how someone could change their mind so drastically though.
Thursday night I get an email. Its from 'his wife'. Telling me how They had 2 kids and had been married for 23 years. Now I knew he had 2 kids, he told me all about them and had shown me pictures. He had told me that he got married at 19 (which was indeed 23 years ago) So I wasnt shocked. I didnt really believe it. After all, I had met his sister, I had been to where he lives. He had been away with me for 2 weeks, obviously she was a nutter. I rang him asking if he knew anything about it. He said no, but he hadn't got the photos I sent him nor the letter. Assumed that for some reason his daughter had taken it and it was her emailing me. I said I wasnt going to respond- I didnt want to get involved.
However I got curious. We are both on aol and I saw she was online so I messaged her.
Seems they only split up in May. After the girl he was seeing up here turned up on their doorstep in London,she threw him out. He had started seeing her the April before I met him and was seeing her while he was seeing me whilst also seeing his wife. I will put £1,000,000 that there are more of us he had on the go. He told his wife he was going to Ireland for 2 weeks to stay with relatives. She didnt know about me until she got the envelope I sent him with pictures of us in Canada with a long letter of me telling how much I loved him.
His wife was lovely. I appologised. He told me they had split up about 10 years ago. She said she has no bad feelings towards me - just him and his lies. I dont want to post this because I dont want his kids to find out how much of a shit their father is but I have to get it out of me somehow. So, I will delete it soon. But if anybody out there ever happens to come across a lovely, honest,caring genuine man who is too good to be true BE VERY CAUTIOUS.
Unfortunatley he is not what he seems.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
I REALLY WANT TO POST WHAT I KNOW BUT I DONT KNOW IF ITS RIGHT OR NOT
What a day.
Something has come to light that I have suspected but refused to believe. I want to share it but even this might be too much to blog. Im not that bothered and I feel I should share. I'll wait to see what my Mum thinks about the whole thing.
Lets just say I am over my heartache of last week. Well over it. Its like a Take a Break story I tell thee. I feel he should be shamed in public but at the same time I dont want to waste anymore time on him. Unbelievable
Something has come to light that I have suspected but refused to believe. I want to share it but even this might be too much to blog. Im not that bothered and I feel I should share. I'll wait to see what my Mum thinks about the whole thing.
Lets just say I am over my heartache of last week. Well over it. Its like a Take a Break story I tell thee. I feel he should be shamed in public but at the same time I dont want to waste anymore time on him. Unbelievable
Monday, August 21, 2006
NO GOOD DEED
Thought I'd do something nice and selfless yesterday to cheer myself up* but they wouldnt take my blood, as rare as it is, as the donor session. Im 7% of the population, o- is the only blood that can be given to anybody. I am indeed universal.
Anyway, Seems I have to wait a month incase I contracted Western Nile Disease or something from my holiday. Bah...I cant get a break.
My phone has died. It will text but not answer. I got a message saying I had a voicemail, tried to access it and the bloody phone wiped it. Now Im really fed up. Dont know who it was.
I've cancelled my contract as Im going pay as you go until I emmergrate.
Can not decide what handset to get. I want one that will take pictures that I can put on my computer and can have nice ringtones which are quite loud. Any suggestions? I cant get my head around the shit way motorolas scroll and work so not one of them, even if they are the best looking ones.
----------------------------------------------------
*which I do of course realise makes it selfish .
Anyway, Seems I have to wait a month incase I contracted Western Nile Disease or something from my holiday. Bah...I cant get a break.
My phone has died. It will text but not answer. I got a message saying I had a voicemail, tried to access it and the bloody phone wiped it. Now Im really fed up. Dont know who it was.
I've cancelled my contract as Im going pay as you go until I emmergrate.
Can not decide what handset to get. I want one that will take pictures that I can put on my computer and can have nice ringtones which are quite loud. Any suggestions? I cant get my head around the shit way motorolas scroll and work so not one of them, even if they are the best looking ones.
----------------------------------------------------
*which I do of course realise makes it selfish .
Friday, August 18, 2006
HAVE TOLD MY BOSS
Ok, I told him thatI wanted to keep him up to date with what I am thinking,
that it is nothing definate but I wanted him to hear about it from me instead of the Macc gossip machine.
The end of May next year I am out of here,
out of the pub,
out of Macc,
out of the United Kingdom.....for ever. (well, except for the odd holiday)
He was very cool about it and promises to do anything he can to help.
He really is the best boss in the world.
that it is nothing definate but I wanted him to hear about it from me instead of the Macc gossip machine.
The end of May next year I am out of here,
out of the pub,
out of Macc,
out of the United Kingdom.....for ever. (well, except for the odd holiday)
He was very cool about it and promises to do anything he can to help.
He really is the best boss in the world.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
MY MIND IS MADE UP
100%
Tonight I have decided wholeheartedly on something a few of you may know a little something about.
I have never been so sure that I am making the right decision as I do now.
I've had my moment of clarity.
I shall make an official announcement after I have told the people it effects the most first, but be very excited for me.
I am.
Yeah, yeah and thrice yeah.
Tonight I have decided wholeheartedly on something a few of you may know a little something about.
I have never been so sure that I am making the right decision as I do now.
I've had my moment of clarity.
I shall make an official announcement after I have told the people it effects the most first, but be very excited for me.
I am.
Yeah, yeah and thrice yeah.
FACT
I have some of the most excellent friends a girl could have.
Thankyou ladies, Im feeling better today.
Thankyou ladies, Im feeling better today.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
WET AND ON ALL FOURS....
...is how I have spent the last 3 hours.
A brand new glass washer came today to replace the old tempramental one. This is the 2nd glasswasher I have plumbed in, both have been a disaster. The first one was hard because it was a gravity draining one as opposed to a pump draining one that was in before.
No drama thought I when getting a new one. I ordered the same model by the same company that emptied the same way,only time and friggin tide wait for no man and the trunts have slighty altered the design. That is why the bleeder wouldnt work (unless the force of gravity altered last night and became weaker.) Its currently sat on a crate making it tricky to pour a pint from the 4 heads above it. Dont they have men to do these jobs? I hate to admit I gave up, but at least it works.
In other news I dont want to really talk about too much, I think a change of scenery seems likely - god I sound like Mystic Meg!
I was 2 bottles pissed on Magners last night (get in! thats what a loss of appetite can do for you!). Talking of which, have you seen the Winehouse in the Sun? OMG, she looks awful. Its soooo sad to see. I forced a muffin down me for breakfast in sympathy for her. Poor girl. I was even more appauled by her frightful eye make-up. Amy, sort yourself out.
I am very proud of myself. I have not tried to make any contact with the cockney (who I still love desperatley) since we spoke on Saturday. This makes me look a very strong person and also very very cool. I have even done this without removing his phone numbers off my phone.
A brand new glass washer came today to replace the old tempramental one. This is the 2nd glasswasher I have plumbed in, both have been a disaster. The first one was hard because it was a gravity draining one as opposed to a pump draining one that was in before.
No drama thought I when getting a new one. I ordered the same model by the same company that emptied the same way,only time and friggin tide wait for no man and the trunts have slighty altered the design. That is why the bleeder wouldnt work (unless the force of gravity altered last night and became weaker.) Its currently sat on a crate making it tricky to pour a pint from the 4 heads above it. Dont they have men to do these jobs? I hate to admit I gave up, but at least it works.
In other news I dont want to really talk about too much, I think a change of scenery seems likely - god I sound like Mystic Meg!
I was 2 bottles pissed on Magners last night (get in! thats what a loss of appetite can do for you!). Talking of which, have you seen the Winehouse in the Sun? OMG, she looks awful. Its soooo sad to see. I forced a muffin down me for breakfast in sympathy for her. Poor girl. I was even more appauled by her frightful eye make-up. Amy, sort yourself out.
I am very proud of myself. I have not tried to make any contact with the cockney (who I still love desperatley) since we spoke on Saturday. This makes me look a very strong person and also very very cool. I have even done this without removing his phone numbers off my phone.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
MORNING
Im still sad but not as pathetic. Its cool. My ex pretend stalker keeps sending me texts that cheer me up and Lindz and Kay took me to Manchester on Sunday night which was ace, a banquet at Yang Sing is always a winner-first proper food since I've been back. T'was awesome. Then a trip across the road to the casino. I broke the £20 rule and did £40 and lost. Still, it felt good to be out.
Worked last night, Stuart from Big Brother a few years ago was in, thats about as exciting as it got - and thats not that exciting. His hair was all short and he drank apple juice. Very polite though, excellent manners.
Hopefully everyone in Macc has already asked me if I had a good holiday so I dont need to be met with that question again. It was a really really good holiday, only I obviously dont sound very convincing when I tell people "yes, good thanks".
I really think I should move out there. Macc is doing me in.
Worked last night, Stuart from Big Brother a few years ago was in, thats about as exciting as it got - and thats not that exciting. His hair was all short and he drank apple juice. Very polite though, excellent manners.
Hopefully everyone in Macc has already asked me if I had a good holiday so I dont need to be met with that question again. It was a really really good holiday, only I obviously dont sound very convincing when I tell people "yes, good thanks".
I really think I should move out there. Macc is doing me in.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
SADNESS STILL LOOMS
Well, we have finally spoken.
I guess I know deep down its for the best.And I know I will be fine one day.
I have gone through the denial stage,
bypassed the anger and bargaining stages.
This leaves me in depression with acceptance to look forward to.
I hope that comes soon cos this heartache is shit shamone.I never want to feel like this again. Everything I can think of in my life does not have a happy ending and Im having difficulty finding reason to even get up in the morning. But we enter into these things hoping we will never get hurt but knowing it is possible. Im not putting myself out there again to end up feeling like this.
I guess I know deep down its for the best.And I know I will be fine one day.
I have gone through the denial stage,
bypassed the anger and bargaining stages.
This leaves me in depression with acceptance to look forward to.
I hope that comes soon cos this heartache is shit shamone.I never want to feel like this again. Everything I can think of in my life does not have a happy ending and Im having difficulty finding reason to even get up in the morning. But we enter into these things hoping we will never get hurt but knowing it is possible. Im not putting myself out there again to end up feeling like this.
Friday, August 11, 2006
ITS A SAD DAY PEOPLE.
I could not be sadder.Im not going to say why on here anymore cos I fear it will backfire.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
NOT QUITE ALTON TOWERS
Although we stayed in Saskatchewan we took the 7 odd hour drive to Fernie in B.C where one of my Aunties live.We all had a go at white water rafting. Paul was the only one to go overboard, but he was at thr front which looked more dangerous than where I was at the back (not that Im admitting to that).
Saw a whole load of bald eagles, they were amazing. Stopped off for a picnic half way then the mental people (i.e, not me) jumped off this big high rock/cliff thing in to the river.
Legs were a bit stiff the next day but the arms were fine...but then I am 10 men after all.
MORE HOLIDAY WRONGSHOTS...
My Uncle Curtis is a bit of a trophy hunter! Since going in his basement I think Paul wants to take up hunting. I'll stick to my spud gun I think.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
MOST OVERPLAYED SONG OF THE HOLIDAY AWARD...
I have not been able to get "Tequila Shelia" by Bobby Bare out of my head. Me and Paul played it to death. I dare you to download it, it will be in your head for ever.
MENTAL
On Sunday we went to a rodeo in Herbert. OMFG. It was amazing. Unfortunatley as I was a little worse for wear from drinking Paralysers and I looked proper charlie in my big blue and white gingham dress with cowboy boots, hair in pocohauntis platts and aviators, but I loved it all the same. My cousin Tyler competed he does this event....
..he chases a calf from a crate on his horse, ropes it around the neck. Jumps off his horse which then stops and pulls the end of the rope whilst he ties the calf up by its legs then flips it over and gets back on his horse with the calf staying down. Not only does he do all this but he does it in about 9 seconds. My jaw was on the floor!
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
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