ROE STREET CSI

Im still piecing together the case of the weird goings on of this morning. Here are the hard facts as they unfolded....

I left to go to the bank at 11.15am, there was a policeman standing guard outside the Davenports house 4 doors along behind a cordoned off area. When I got back at 11.30am the policeman and tape had gone, instead just a council guy scrubbing the floor.

First customer in was Paul Carr, asks if there had been a murder cos there was blood all over the road with police taking pictures of the crime scene.

Third customer in asks what happened, apparently there were police outside at 9am.(even though this is right outside my window I missed it all)

I ask Ed who works at TJ's and lives next door but 1. He says that someone was mugged on Roe Street early in the morning and whoever did it was caught at Halfords just after.

The Halfords story is then confirmed by Phil who had been stopped by police at the same time and heard them being radioed to be told that the assailant was at Halfords.

Through out the day people keep asking what had happened. Naturally I passed on the facts that I knew - two innocent people were attacked by a psycho wielding a knuckle duster which housed a flick knife. I wrestled the maniac to the ground and disarmed him, and managed to save the life of one of the victims (a priest) by using CPR techniques I picked up off Holby City, unfortunately there was nothing I could do to help the bald guy he was with. He had been decapitated and then run over and was therefore already dead.

I then changed the story a few more times during the day. I left it at drawing a chalk line around Ian outside and adding some fake blood. Its not as impressive as my favorite lie - that the Tescos on Exchange Street sells more bananas than any other Tesco in the UK but it might get some people believing it. (Ive just remembered one better that the banana story)....Did you know that Macclesfield has the highest Pot Noodle consumption rate in Europe? Fact!