WHEN IM DRUNK BUT TALK-A-TIVE (and go on a lot about nothing)

Ok, Merry Christmas. Its 00:21 so the time is *counts on her fingers* 06:22 UK time. Merry Christmas you all. xxx

I am a little bit more up beat today than I was before. Yes, I miss home and all my friends. Being single and 33 (in 10 days time), unemployed, without a driving licence in a small town and living with your parents can do something to a girls self esteem. Its awful. I've been better.

The job I left back in June was my life, I made that pub. I'm now lacking an identity because as much I I resented it it was me. All my own work.

Now, I'm living in a town (which is lovely and full of brilliant people by the way, best you'll ever meet) with nothing to do, wondering if I did the right thing. It doesn't feel like it at the minute but I'm sure it is, I knew it would be hard.

Fancy some stats?
I couldn't sleep last night so I looked them up...

You can fit England in to Saskatchewan 5 times.
Saskatchewan has about 1 million people living in it.
England has 50 million people living in it.
The town where I live has about 400 in it.
So the ratio of people in Macc to here is 375/1
I cannot think of anywhere near Macc as small as that.
The nearest big town (its a city FYI) is 40mins down the road, its got less people in it than Biddulph (without having the joys of of Congers and S-O-T.) But it has loads of stuff - even an airport!

But, its brilliant. there are no bad people. No one locks their doors at night ,you can go to the shops and leave your car running with the keys in. Everybody looks out for everybody and they are all really happy. Quite unlike Macc.

I'm just waiting till it feels like home.

But I miss lots about Macc......
(In no particular order)

I miss Claire, Claire, Crowther, Kay and Lindsey
I miss the POW and all the customers
I miss winding up MKB and Blind Tony.
I miss poppadoms (they are unheard of around here)
I miss Diet Kick
I miss Sailor Jerry
I miss Yang Sing
I miss Primark

I wish I had done more stuff....
I wish I enjoyed every minute and taken more photos.
I wish I had brought more of my stuff with me
I wish I didn't moan about lots and slag off most of everything.
I wish I had broke into the subway under the train station like I said I would.
I wish I met Mr Taylor 2 years ago, cos I still think he's proper 'bo.
I wish I got Marisa the Kenny baby off t'net like I planned to for Christmas.
I wish I went out on my last day in Macc instead of sitting in getting upset about how I would miss everything and everyone.
I wish I have been more interested in everyone insted of taking them for granted.
I miss pretendin to fit carpets, Marlow is really good at what he does, I should have tried harder and learnt more. Then I might actually have a skill that I could use.

I could go on but apparently regrets, you should not have a few...."but then again, too few to mention...."

Shit, I'm singing when I'm typing, that can only be bad and a sign of needing to go to bed.

This year I have bought o (that's zero) presents.
I'm expecting 0 (again, zero)back.
Come new year (and my birthday just after incidentally) I am going finally try and sort out the iphone Kay and Linds got for me and order myself a whole lot of stuff from Lush.
I have totally not done Christmas this year and apart from the snow it doesn't feel like it and I like it that way. Well, for this year at least.

Christmas Day this year will be the first Christmas Day I haven't worked for 17 years. It might mean more if I wasn't unemployed. What a shame....after all this time its wasted on me.

But I shall not wallow in my self pity any more.

I am sure it will get better for me.

I really don't think anyone reads this anymore but Merry Christmas to you any way......