MIKEY B, BLIND TONY AND THE STRIPPER

So, Tony turned 50 last week and Mikey B (king of the urban surf) and friends have decided on taking him to Manchester to see a stripper.
I am outraged they would even consider such a thing.
A Stripper? Really? I must be missing something here. Why would you take a blind man to a strip show? C'mon guys, a brothel....or something more "hands on" at least. Thats just selfish!

30 NOVEMBER???

Apparently it is already past the sell by date of the musical sandwich as I have just found out today is 30th November....when did that happen?
Surely the scientists at Tescos should have made the sandwich stop singing by now....how long I wonder until it hums?

THE FRIDGE IS ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF SANDWICHES

Tuesday morning, 10:30am. The sandwich is still Jingle Belling it away in the fridge. I will be very impressed if the batteries ran out at the same time the best before date came along.
I will keep you posted.

COOK PASS BABTRIDGE

Thought I should share this moment of genius with you. No, I am not a whizz at photoshop, I actually had to write on the dog. I did a patch test first to see if it would come off!











What can I say, it was Monday morning and I think I was still under the influence from the Sunday. This was the morning I went to meet Paul in Starbucks at Sainsburys. He rang and I said I wasn't busy...I thought it better to lie insted of telling him I was busy scrawling TV based obscenities on the dog.

THE COMPLETE IDIOTS GUIDE TO BEAGLES

Never again will I moan of the beagle. Seems I am quite lucky....just imagine the pain a 4 Headed and 10 legged Beagle would be, like the one on page 253 in "The Complete Idiots Guide to Beagles"

 

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN AN ELEPHANT FLY?

Well if you been done seen 'bout everything til you saw an elephant fly think again.......
The world has finally lost it, or Tesco Metro have finally lost it. I bobbed in before and heard a strange noise coming from the sandwich fridge....
Would you Adam and Eve it? Only bloody Musical Sandwiches!! Whatever next? I have put mine in the fridge and I can still hear it.














There are little batteries behind the price and it plays a medley of Jingle Bells, Santa Claus is Coming to Town and We Wish You A Merry Christmas. If you cant make out what it says on the front the last line is "Enjoy your lunch to the festive tunes of the season".
Unbelievable.
I have never more been in favour of my campaign KCID (keep Christmas in December). Out of protest I am not putting my tree up until 4th. Talking of which....heres a little equation for you which I will not need to prove as I know it to be true.... b+ct=d ( beagle+christmas tree=disaster ) Im not looking forward to it.

YEAH....SNOW!

Well, it was the beagles first snow day yesterday (thats forgetting about the day before Leeds festival....we don't talk about that!). He was suitably unimpressed. Bless the little thick thing, I dont even think he noticed the difference. Benson on the other hand loves snow.Even when you throw it at him, which is nice!
 

OMG

OMG..... I know....Im abbreviating like an Australian.I was definatly spiked last night. by pills, not rhypnol or how ever you spell it.ROUGH!

THE NEW LICENSING LAWS

Well, that wasn't as painful as I thought. I was planning on being all traditional and shutting the pub at 11pm, but I suppose I should make an effort....so I gave it another whole hour. See, Im on the side of progress!
It wasn't the busiest of nights but we did well on the oyster selling front.
However I am now sporting a stinking cold so I'm off down Balti Kitchen to pick up my extra hot jhali bhuna...that should shift it.Excellent

FULL STOP

 

Benson making a spectacle of himself 

ON THE REGISTER

You want to see my puppies?

THE CHEWED CUBANS

Bloody Beagle....Why can't he just smoke them like the clever ones do at Astra Zeneca?

...IT WASN'T ME

2 numbers.
Would have been a tenner if I had gone with my mum and dads house number instead of being all gay and going for the date I first met the cockney. Yet another bad sign. If the gods of fate have 'owt to do with it then we have no future.Bah!
Instead I'll just resign myself to the fact that my winning streak is over

IT COULD BE ME.....

I haven't played the lottery for 3 years now.But following my recent bout of good luck I think tonight should be the night I start again.
On Tuesday I found £20 in the car park.
On Wednesday I turned my ipod, pressed shuffle songs and the one I was thinking of came on. The odds on that happening?4594/1.
On Saturday I won £355 off £20 in the casino.
On Sunday, smashed as I was, I lost my purse in the hell that is Chicago Rock. Admittedly thats not lucky but when I went back on Monday it had been handed in - all cards and £160 were present. Now thats lucky.

I need all the winnings of tonights lottery to replace the 9 cuban cigars that Jeremy has chewed to bits. Well the tubes have been mangled, cigars are mostly fine but I cant really re sell them.
Looks like I'll have to take up cigar smoking?

GOOD JOB IM NOT FAMOUS

It just occurred to me that if I was famous, or had a stalker (and not the Romanian that has taken to hounding me) then I would probably have been broken into last night.

Its like that creepy Francis weather man who used to to that BBC breakfast programme with the kinky Frank Boff-or whoever.
I remember when he announced to the nation how he was off on holiday for two weeks. I thought nothing of it until his next weather update when he kept going on about how he had a big guard dog and state of the art security system. My mother then had to explain how he was basically telling robbers that his house was going to be empty and a target for all would be burglars.

So, to clarify... I have now rewired the broken bit of the alarm and I'm all protected again.My alarm works fine!

After chatting about my beagle/alarm incident with Brewery Dave last night, I have found out that dogs chewing through alarm cables is apparently quite common. Unknown to me Dave used to work for an alarm company before he took to making beer.There is a little known fact for you.

A RUDE AWAKENING

At 01:57 this morning my burglar alarm went off.
Was I being burgled? Was I buggery.....

Jeremy, the bane of my life had chewed through one of the wires for said alarm which he had unearthed from under the carpet. Now it is broken.

Jeremy you see is a beagle. What I didn't know about beagles when I bought him as a beautiful 7 week old puppy six months ago is that beagles are rubbish*. I couldn't even begin to list the things he has destroyed.....hes driving me mad.

So to stop me going mental I thought I would share my pain.....


*only I am allowed to call the beagle this.As I am his mother I know I dont really mean it. Well, except at 01:57 this morning

the daily beagle

2, 2, testing.
Testing, 2, 1,2
arent I the roady?

After reading Annies fantastic Blog I thought I'd crib along and try one too. It'll be no where as fab but maybe it'll make me laugh in a few years