The blog is dead

Yes, although Jeremy Beagle is very much alive this blog is very much dead.
I do have a new one in the works if anyone out there is remotley interested......email me @ portersprince@live.ca and I'll give you the link (I havent actually got it going as yet, but shoud have it started by the end of the week.

Its been immense (as Annie would say)

WHENEVER YOU'RE FEELING LONELY....

....or you're gettin' in a stew,
Just lend your ear - come over here, and, man, here's what you do,

If you've got the blues,
then I've got some news,
join in the fun in your blue suede shoes.
With the holiday rock, the holiday rock,
the ho-de-ho-de-hi-de-hi holiday rock.


Sorry about that. Its my third night of sleeping with my mask on tonight. I totally love it. I feel just like Yvonne from Hi-De-Hi (although mine is not as posh as I remember hers being, its the one you get free if you fly with B.A.). Its just blue and not frilly.

Which reminds me of the greatest joke of all time...
"The last time I went on holiday, I flew with BA.
It was terrible. He kept shouting: ‘You crazy foo’. I ain’t gettin’ on no plane!’"


Anyway, I digress...

The blinds on my window in my bedroom let an amazing amount of daylight in which wakes me up every morning around 5, I may have mentioned this before.Its tres non bon. But now with my black out sleep mask thing going to sleep has improved a thousand fold. Infact, I'm in bed already and its only just 10 o'clock. It works a treat.

I never understood it as a kid when I saw Yvonne from Hi-De-Hi wear one....the sleep mask.To be honest, I hated her and Barry in it. I loved the child hating Punch and Judy man, cant remember his name - Mr Peacock or something, I of course liked Fred the best and Peggy. Loathed the Welsh one and didnt understand what that old jockey man was doing in it. Looking back, was Jeffery gay in it? You dont understand gay when you are a kid do you. Maybe they do now but I cant remember thinking Larry Grayson was gay when I watched The Generation Game, I just thought he was hilarious. Steven Carrington in Dynasty is when I found out what there was such a thing as gay. Anyway, Im off the point now...

Its time to don my eyemask and go to bed. Im so excited!!!

Then again, I might try and find some vintage Hi-De-Hi on youtube first...


Hi-de-hi-de-hi, ho-de-ho-de-ho, go go go do the holiday rock
Hi-de-hi-de-hi, ho-de-ho-de-ho, go go go do the holiday rock
Yeah......................

BEAGLE 0 GEESE 1

Oops, guess who left her bedroom door open when she went to work?

Seems Jeremy went for the geese one by one and piled them up in the front room. Luckily they were unharmed (either the beagle no longer destroys things or the geese really are hard as nails).

You will be happy to know that they are all safe except Ramone is a little dirtier than before.

I've just finished work at the bar, I got to close at 11 which is always a bonus cos even though I did bugger all yesterday Im feeling a little tired. I'm going to try and sleep with one of those blindfold eye masks things on tonight cos my blinds let the light in my room well early.

AND IF YOU COMPLAIN ONCE MORE, YOU'LL MEET AN ARMY OF GEESE

Its all coming together....

It's been many years since I first wanted an army of geese.

Let me introduce Raoul, Carlos, Sanchez, Mendoza, Jesus, Ramone and Gomez. My first ever goose army. Yes, dont worry I know they aren't real. I was there when found them in the Liquidation Store. Actually, if Im honest Jim made the discovery...I'd been sidelining 'Project Army Of Geese' for so long now that I had forgotten about it. We named them over lunch in Kabos with a Sharpie marker pen. Raoul is already proving himself to be a natural leader and outed Sanchez who now sports a rainbow tank top.


Raoul has a quiet word with Jesus (how do you do accents on this keypad?) telling him that he has taken his Usher listening a bit too far with his ridiculous pantyhose head gear. Raoul was imagining the army to be more of a West Side Story Sharks thang and less of a crack smoking R&B dirty ass ho thang.
Raoul applying some pressure to Gay Sanchez.

Iwould take these bad boys out on the road today but its raining, and although farmers everywhere are rejoicing it means I am staying indoors. So I bathed the beagle and am making a curry.

Its not all playing with hispanic gangsta geese you know.....

OW

Blimey, I just heard that Miss Johnson had a riding accident and broke both her ankles, bloody hell. Apparentley shes in hospital and gets operated on in the week. Poor lady, I cant even begin to imagine how much that must hurt.

And to think I was moaning about the bite on my arm (which to be fair has swollen up pretty bad), but still, two broken ankles? Friggin hell.

Its a long weekend here so I am enjoying the long weekend. Got a bit sunburnt on Saturday while walking the hound around the dam. Dont thin I'll go that way again, I have removed 4 ticks off him so far this week - and I think thats from going around there. I went to Clearwater Lake later on , I havent been there for 23 years, it was nothin glike I remembered it. I must have been a smaller 10 year old than I remember being cos it looked alot smaller than I remember.

I'm going to hang out with Jim while he does his farming stuff tomorrow. Seeding or something like that, I'm not sure. But I like driving around in tractors anyway so should be fun.

I cant stop thinking about poor Johnson...

I aim to return to normal blogging this week, I have just gone off it a bit at the minute, thats all.

HAIRBRAIDER

I'm doin my hair braider,
she makes it look just like spaghettay....

That R Kelly....he's still got it!!!

Ok, so I helped seed our vegetable garden today.
We did rows of radish, swiss chard, lettuce, peas, beans, onions, corn, zucchini, potatoes, dill, parsley, celery, cucumber, carrots, beetroot and a whole load of other stuff I cant remember. Curly even has a little tractor and a seeder so it was well easy. Im so excited , I cant wait until I can just go into the garden for my tea!!

Arthur Fowler eat your heart out.

ARTHUR FOWLER

I am, or at least I will be.

I know, Im rubbish at this these days.....

I had the weekend off so I went to Calgary with Jim. I'm getting used to the 5 hour drive thing now, it soon passes with my ipod supplying the tune-age We went for lunch in the mountains, did some shopping and I even found Fruli in a store so I bought out the whole of their stock. Get in!!!

Jims filthy giant red truck that drove us there

The weather has gone nice again, I bloody hope thats it for snow now until winter. Talking of winter I am now determined to spend new years eve in Sydney. I just need to find a reasonable flight. Im already not looking forward to winter here again.

Sorry, I'm blostipated again. I have just finished work at the Farm Centre (where everything confuses me), Jeremy is snoring on the settee and I think my Mum and brother are in the bar. Dad is still in the UK and hopefully bringing me back some yorkshire pudding tins and Tescos own mixed peppercorns (there is none finer). I'm having a jacket potato with brie and chillies for tea and that is all I know.

ITS UBER UNBELIEVABLE

Last Sunday I was enjoying the 25 degree warmth riding around in a t-shirt on a quad.
This Sunday there is bloody six inches of snow going on outside and its proper freezing out. Proper.

I thought that the snow had gone. Well, I hoped it had.

It has not.

CAN YOU SMELL CRAB PASTE?

Here she is......you complete set of bastards yer.

Mel B yesterday

Courtesy of Kay (shes like Reuters with booze) here is the lady we saw in Vegas. Have you ever seen this lady and Mel B together? I think not, therefore one can only conclude that this is indeed Mel B. We did the classic "I'll stand here and you pretend to take a picture of me but really take one of her" move which probably wouldn't have been as suspicious if I hadn't previously chased her through the labyrinth of fruit machines shouting "Crab Paste".

gambling Vegas lady

Ok, I guess I should return to blogging.

Vegas was cool, it was very much like I imagined it would be. I finally made it to the bodies exhibition. I'm glad I didn't try too hard to make it there that day in London when I was super hungover. I would have chundered there and then. There was a foetus there, a few months old and a man and his son were looking at it. The son asked his Dad how it came to be in the display. The Dad told him that the mother probably lost it naturally or had it aborted. The son then asked if the lady gets to keep it after the operation. I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Like a gallstone? I asked Erm no, they don't let you keep it. It was a good exhibit though. Mush better than the 4 storey M+M shop. I had no idea that people were so obsessed with M+M's. I love chocolate, don't get me wrong but I didn't understand the need for so much M+M stuff. Again, another bad place for a hangover.

In true Catherine tradition I took my camera but only actually took pictures one night so I don't really have any pictures. Well, I have 40 pictures of the fountains going off at the Belliagio and some of some lights. I am not very good at holiday snaps. In fact I accidentally ruined Lindsey's taping of the fountain show. In my defense I didn't know she was videoing it so she now has me remarking how I have 50 f*ucking pictures of a fountain at the end of the show. God damn my potty mouth.

It was lovely to see Kay and Linds again although it seemed like I had only seen them yesterday (It had been 4 months which I guess isn't really a long time anyway).

This weekend I went to my cousins wedding and ended up in a complete state, I'm beginning to get some of the photos through on facebook....seems I was busting some legendary moves.Not.

I didn't feel that rough on Sunday to begin with so I had an impromptu driving lesson, tried shooting cans with a rifle (at which I am skill-less) then fell asleep and threw up. At my age you would think I understood the effects strongbow and vodka have on me, but no.

Anyone who has been following the weather progress of things here might be pleased to know that I am no longer in a minus 40 degree hell. Yesterday it was 25 (as in sunny) and today was just a bit less. I'm so excited now the snow has gone (touch wood - although Calgary had 20cm on Friday!)

GET OUT OF MY HEAD

Argh, after stacking tins of 'flakes of turkey' I am still singing in my head that song 'drops of jupiter' by Train or whoever. Its annoying me now.

VIVA LAS VEGAS

Had a blast.....photos are here

Macclesfield Dates, by Author Clive Worth,

For the record. I am NOT one.

Anyone know this randy old fart?

OMG

I didnt know Neil Buchanan died.
I'm so out of the loop over here.

I'm going to get a whole load of clothes, plates, boxes and some other shit together and make a big giant picture viewable only from a tall building in his honour.

Or maybe not.

Blimey......Beadle, Buchanan who's next ? Tommy Boyd?? Gaz Top?? God forbid its not Cheggers. Please Lord, spare Cheggers for us.

HA HA HA HA RAY

Yes Annie, I did forget to mention it didn't I? It seems the police have uncovered some of his internet purchases (found here) which helped lead to his arrest

I am now 7 hours behind Macc. The clocks don't go forward or backwards here.
I just noticed.

KATHRYN WILLIAMS: no-one takes you home

Aww, I forgot about this song....

*DOWNTIME*

I'm quite uninspired at the minute hence the lack of postings. Instead of pouring out lots of drivel I'm just not going to say anything.
I'm off to Vegas on Thursday so hopefully will return with some more blogthusiasm.

Until then apologies.